Canadian Government 

Bearded Justin Trudeau revealed to be evil doppelganger, Trustin Judeau

OTTAWA — After a post-holiday Instagram post featuring a bearded Prime Minister Justin Trudeau caused a media stir, the subject of the photo was actually revealed to be Trudeau’s evil twin, Trustin Judeau. “Hahaha, you can tell from my sinister facial hair that of course it is I, Trustin Judeau, from the evil Mirror Universe,” cackled Judeau, referencing the classic 1967 episode of Star Trek, ‘Mirror, Mirror’. The sinister doppelganger elaborated to reporters, “I am the opposite of that goody goody Trudeau in every way! I love buying pipelines! And I hate electoral reform!” Judeau…

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Canadian Government 

Tories hopeful they will find ordinary, down-to-earth leader with a spare $300,000 to spend on entry fee

OTTAWA – A poll of Conservative Party members has indicated that a strong majority want a commoner relatable to all Canadians who can easily dish out $300,000 deposit for a leadership entry bid. “I want our next leader to be able to sit down and have a cognac with everyday folk at their second cottage or private club,” said one former Tory MP. “They should have a firm handshake, look people in the eye, and be able to easily afford an additional house in Hamilton or Prince Edward Island.” Some…

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Ontario News 

9-year-old college prodigy wins third consecutive game of beer pong

LONDON, ON – Gabriel Thompson, the 9 year-old child genius who made waves by being admitted into Major Biology and Mathematics program at Western, is reportedly kicking ass at a game of beer pong. “We knew the kid was smart, but damn, can he drink,” said Jimmy Wendell, who lives at the frat house where Thompson began his remarkable win streak. “We didn’t want to let him play, but he insisted he could anything can do and threatened to tell our den mother on us.” Eyewitnesses are uncertain as to how Thompson…

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Alberta News Canadian Government 

Alberta’s $30-million bonfire

The Alberta government’s Canadian Energy Centre — its long-promised, much-hyped “rapid-response war room,” a provincial corporation with a $30-million annual budget — finally launched on Dec. 11. It embarked on its noble mission with all appropriate pomp and ceremony, by which I mean there was a website and a sort of self-promotional video. The video serves as an impressive statement of the war room’s purpose, particularly given the tire fire of unforced errors and obvious untruths the war room has set ablaze in the days since. Let’s take a look at the inaccuracies —…

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World News 

Michael McCain Opposed Sanctions On Communist China, Senator Says “He Didn’t Seem Overly Concerned About Human Rights Then”

More hypocrisy from the out-of-touch elites. As Michael McCain tries blaming Canada’s ally the United States for the actions of the Iranian regime shooting down an airliner carrying 57 Canadian Citizens, it turns out he’s a total hypocrite. As revealed by Senator Leo Housakos – one of the rare Canadian politicians willing to take a stand against Communist China – Michael McCain tried to stop Senators from pushing for sanctions on China: “McCain wrote to me to back off our motion calling for Magnitsky sanctions vs China. He cited concern for his…

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Canadian Government Canadian News 

Trudeau says meetings with families of plane crash victims ‘gut-wrenching’

EDMONTON – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau says it’s been “gut-wrenching” to listen to stories from the families of 57 Canadians who perished in the downing of a Ukrainian jetliner in Iran last week. Speaking at a memorial for victims in Edmonton Sunday, Trudeau said he’s learned about who they were, what they loved doing and what their hopes were for the future. He told those attending the memorial that many came to Canada in search of new opportunities for their families, but those families are now consumed by grief and outrage. While…

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Canadian Government 

Queen agrees to let Duke, Duchess of Sussex move part-time to Canada

SANDRINGHAM, England — Queen Elizabeth II agreed Monday to grant Prince Harry and and his wife Meghan their wish for a more independent life, allowing them to move part-time to Canada while remaining firmly in the House of Windsor. The British monarch said in a statement that the summit of senior royals on Monday was “constructive,” and that it had been “agreed that there will be a period of transition″ in which the Duke and Duchess of Sussex will spend time in Canada and the UK.” The summit at the queen’s Sandringham…

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Ontario News 

Ontario government apologizes for mistaken nuclear alert

The Ontario government has now clarified what happened this morning that led to a province-wide alert concerning the Pickering Nuclear Generating Station.  It reads:Earlier today, an emergency alert was issued by the Province of Ontario stating there was a situation at the Pickering Nuclear Generating Station. The alert was issued in error to the public during a routine training exercise being conducted by the Provincial Emergency Operations Centre (PEOC). There was no incident at the Pickering Nuclear Generating Station that should have triggered public notification. Nor was there ever any danger…

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Canadian News 

Parts Of Canada Will See -50°C Temperatures And 90 Km/Hour Winds This Weekend

Some intense snow and extremely cold temperatures are expected across Canada, Environment Canada warns.A weather alert has been issued for a total of eight provinces today: Ontario, Quebec, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Nunavut, Northwest Territories, and New Brunswick. Via The Weather Network This means that more than half of the Canadian provinces are expected to experience extreme cold temperatures.both Northern and Southern regions, and we can expect snow squalls and extreme cold weather in the afternoon and evening on Sunday.  Forecasts show that Canada can expect ridiculously cold temperatures and equally frustrating…

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